Life

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I stepped into office early today. Of cos i was driving. But i was extrememly exhausted. Got a call at 4am from someone and i believe it was just becos she couldn't sleep. It has happened before. I was upset with her but my soft side took over and i told myself, "maybe she wanted to talk to me"..it always happens. I just cant be fierce when i need to put my foot down. Sometimes, i hate being like that cos people climb all over me. Recently in office, i was rallying to buy my boss a gift and i seeked someones advise. She went on and on about how people wouldnt want to give anything to it. Today, i collected a total of $75. Shameless and yet satisfying. There is redeeming grace in some if not all. I should learn to take joy in having nice people ard me, instead of thinking of those who are not and continually being upset with them. I just hate hypocrites. But face it, its the real world. Shameless.
2 days ago, i had a new case. It was referred y a pastor and they wanted a christian counsellor. God knows why this boy was passed to me really. At the end of the session, the 14 yr old boys' mother asked me if i would pray before each session and now that i know where this boy's strongholds are, would i pray for him. I was stunned for a moment. I was ashamed. I told her, "I try very hard to". In actual fact, i havent been doing that for the longest time. And i believe this is one reason why i am burning out. I have been passing day after day, forgetting my calling to work with the troubled. Its time to start restructuring my brain waves and look back to why i chose this profession.
I was so affected by one of my boys today. He's doing his N levels and failed his prelims. He said he has changed his mind and just wants to aim for ITE. i seriously blasted at him. Remembering the time i did my N levels and how many people would say the same thing, "you'll do better in ITE"..i told my boy not to give in to that trap. Its a mind trap, to internalise all those things people say to get you down. I was so frustrated to see how he would give up his dream of being a pilot becos passing his N levels is just too difficult. I was flabbergasted. Ultimately, i can only do so much, its his choice and he has to face the consequences. Its a harsh harsh world out there..people see u for the certs u have and youths dun see that. So frustrated.

Ok, i've vented enough.
A week to HK. A great escape.