Life

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Having a lot of friends, a great family, education, etc can really bring you joy but if one lacks love, he is nothing. I've been blessed with all of the above but there is an empty feeling in me. THere's really nothing more i want than to love another, care for another and spend the rest of my life with another. And if i don't have that, i have nothing. God is gracious. He gave His only begotten son to die for us so that we have purpose and meaning in life. I know God has a plan for me. I pray he reveals it soon cos its killing.
Secrets are pervasive and threatening. My life has too many secrets now. It hurts cos i've put myself in a spot that i can't get out of unless i do something. I wish i dun have emotions and everything will be a lot simpler. I hate missing people.We live in a borderless world such that something can be done when u miss someone but when u miss someone living less than half and hour away, its crazy when u can't do anything about it. I hate circumstances, situations and excuses. I hate being the victim. caused it upon myself?
I wish this doesnt need to be melancholic again. I've been going thru too many of such cycles. Today is bad. I actually cried on the streets. I feel like an empty glass. And the worst news is, the year is ending and i'm not looking forward to the next. I'm so blessed yet i still complain. what do i really want? i know.
Yesterday i recieved a butterfly pendant chain from someone close to my heart. It 's really precious to me now cos it will always remind me of the great times we've shared and the meaning behind the pendant. Moreover,it's like almost the only gift i've recieved from this person.Thank you dear. At the same time, i also recieved a hand done butterfly. As i look at these things, it reminds me of why i like butterflies. It's so carefree and beautiful. Flying away. Love is a butterfly.
Went out with my social work mates in the evening, to riverside indo restaurant and then to mambo. i enjoyed their company, getting to know them more but yep, i wasnt exactly in the best of moods. came home at 430 man. sleep cycle screwed again. Today met Anand for tea and we had a good chat. He gave me a box of rocher's. Had driving thereafter. was ok for a while But my mind drifted elsewhere and i became sad and i couldnt park properly. Just couldnt concentrate that i stopped doing so. I couldnt contain it and just let it out, on my own.I do thank God for friends who care for me and always calls me at appropriate times to cheer me up.
The yr is ending and i dun feel it. resolutions? i dun have any. I have no plan. Maybe migrating may be one of them but well, we'll see. Into the working world in less than a yr. gOSH,life changes.
Just bid for my modules. if i get all of them. it will be a three day week for me. But i only end classes at 8pm on mon and 7pm on tues. I've decided against the odds to take malay 1. I'll make use of the NUS education to learn something useful rather than always thinking about grades. Another day tomo to learn driving. I got to buck up, i've only got 9 more lessons before my test.