Life

Sunday, October 30, 2005

i woke up with such a bad migrane today.. sigh..in fact i'm still having it now.. so i'm taking a break form my essay for some therupeutic value. anyway, this is the first time that i immediately started tearing the moment i stepped into the sanctuary. I couldnt praise or worship Him for a while.. i just couldnt stop crying.. I really cant comprehend. well, i guess, His presense was so strong that i felt loved?i don't know. It took me a while before i could get myself stable and begin to focus on Him again. Today's sermon was apt. It was on loving your enemies and people who persecute and hurt you. I guess, true forgiveness is divine. I remember studying on forgiveness last year and it just reminded me how forgiving someone is a psychological construct that has the ability to alter how you view and percieve things. And once you forgive, boy, do you feel a sense of release, release of hurt, pain, etc..

Have you heard of this famous saying that you get hurt most by the people you love. Anyone beg to differ? I absolutely give credibility to the author of that saying. Sure, i do forgive but this sense of pain in me still lingers..Tears automatically flow down even when i'm not consciously thinking of the situation. knowing someone from head to toe and having to remove that perosn from my life is an impossible task. I can't do that and do not want to lose someone but i'm at a loss as to what i can do now. I wish i didnt have to deal with this in the midst of my busyness but i guess its a good thing that being busy leaves me with little time alone and free.

We had a music ministry gathering today and we had lunch and watched videos of past mm activities over the year and laughed.. gosh, it was dated up to 4 yrs back..got to see the jamming sessions i missed during the first half of the year..

I miss Youde.

Then Billy shared on the 257 theory. During a chinese 10 course meal, the 2nd, 5th and 7th dish is the most impt and its all, some form of FISH. He reminded us on remembering to "dish "out the important things in our life and do things that sustain eternal value. A chinese restaurant cannot screw up these most important dishes and likewise, we shouldnt screw up what we choose to do with our lives. True enough, i've had that mentality ever since that serving God was what i wanted to focus on. Seeing my friends getting attached and losing their time and touch with God was disheartening. So i guess, i got a renewed vision of living my life. I need to get serious with Him first though.

I'm a bit worried for some people who havent been coming to church and i feel responsible for not doing enough. I need to do something about it.

Well, as for my work progress. I'm in a real "i dun care anymore" state. I did the most and best i could for the 2 group projects and prepared the presentation slides already. started on my individual paper at about 8pm! and its due at 9am tomo. I'm 2 pages in. so wish me luck to finish by 3am at least.

I am so bored of doing social support.

According to House (1981), social support has been viewed as an interpersonal transaction involving emotional concern, instrumental aid and information.

wat is concern? what are the specific acts that show's someone's concern over you? Truly, action speaks louder than words.